My Write Mind

Reading is Fundamental. It really is.

2010-10-25T22:11:00.006-05:00

This past week, I had the pleasure of volunteering with RIF at one of the schools in my neighborhood. I feel like its been a while since I've made myself useful and it felt good. The kids were quite cute (I had second graders) and quite fidgety (like I was at that age). I read them two books. One titled Sunflowers and the other called The little Duck. I asked them a ton of questions about the books and even though it didn't seem like they were paying that much attention they were on it with answering the questions.

I met some cool people that work for RIF and for the After school Alliance and I got to be in the presence of that interesting blue character at the top, who they affectionately call Riffington. Even though the kids of today sometimes make me nervous I did a great job interacting with the kids and look forward to the next opportunity. Doing this read aloud with the kids made me realize that there is more to this often self centered life I live. Hopefully this will spark a fire in me to do more.

Neglecting My 1st Love and My Recent Adventure

2010-10-11T20:39:00.008-05:00

I've had this blog for over 5 years and I'm sad to say that I been neglecting my first love for no good reason. Today my sister friend Sara actually asked me if I shared some pics of a recent adventure I went on on my blog and it encouraged me to start posting here more regularly so here I am. I should also let you know that I contribute to two other blogs Back on the Wagon (Again) and The Online Dating Dilemma and sometimes one gets a little more attention than the other.

Anyway, my recent adventure was to the Sandy Spring Adventure Park. I wanted to go because I'm afraid of heights and I'm seeking to overcome it. I will say that it was a GREAT 1st start. I did much better than I thought I would, and my fear, well, was more so in my head than the heart thumping outta my chest type. Although I didn't finish the course, I would totally do it again. I should also mention that when I got to the 1st zip line I punked out for about 30 minutes. I let 12 people go in front of me (all while helping them no less) and had one of the workers come and attempt to rescue me before I decided to just take the plunge. He was mighty ticked at me but I will say that the rescue was a lot more scary than doing the zip line. I'm glad I did it actually, and to be honest, when I was done, I wanted to do it again. I'm sure there is some deep spiritual lesson in all of this and when I am able to communicate it I just may. :)

Simply the Best!

2010-02-28T16:14:00.008-05:00

The whole notion of what it means to be the best has been on my mind for the past couple of months and was my main focus during the lent season. On a daily basis I've been looking at what it means to me as it relates to work, and in my personal life. I've ask myself questions like: "are you doing your best?" "is your best a personal best or can you compare your best to others?" It was hard to shake the thought, what it meant and the lessons I was supposed to get out of it.

I guess one of the important things that I've come to realize is that giving my best everyday is less about a competition but about running my own race. There will be times of competition, however, it's about me pouring my all into everything I do when it comes to work, my health, my relationships etc.

I was speaking with someone who is sort of like a mentor, and she said that being the best to her was about personal integrity, about giving her all and about not taking advantage of opportunities to slack off. I think that that really summed it all up for me and I pull from what she said when I feel the desire to slack off (which is often) :)

Sacrifice or Thoughts in this Big Head of Mine.

2010-02-17T21:02:00.008-05:00

What is it about these 40 days that has many of us scrambling trying to think about what we're going to "give up" for the Lent season? (or sacrifice which is a better word I reckon.) Do we even think about why we're giving up a certain thing or are we doing it because that's what we've always done? Do we do it because we want to appear holy in some way to other people? Do we do it because our friends are doing it? To go on a diet? Whatever the reason, I think it's worthwhile to ask ourselves these questions during this time.

If I'm honest with myself, (and this is me for personally, not anyone else) giving up something over these 40 days is not the hard part (or the hardest part, cause it is hard) its the giving up of something beyond the 40 days which is the hardest. Christ gave His life, although his life purpose, I'm sure the hardest thing he had to do.

Over the past few years, I've personally made the decision not to necessarily give up anything. Mostly because by the end of the season I was eating (because more than likely I gave up some sort of food) exactly what I said I wasn't. I made excuse after excuse till I was right back at square one.....What was the purpose anyway I finally asked myself? Not sure I ever really figured that out which is why I just decided to nix the whole giving up something.

This year however, although I haven't been really going to church for the past two years, I've decided not to give up anything per say but rather I'll use this season as a time of introspection, a time to get in touch with self if you will.

Lent for me isn't solely about letting go of or giving up, but it's also about taking hold of and/or adopting a new way doing things and that's what I plan to do because,these past few years have been especially rough for me spiritually. I'm at a place I never imagined I'd be (at least not for this long). Nevertheless, I would say its a season where I've been the most honest with myself, with my feelings and how I am feeling about and towards God right now which is a BIG step for me.

Anyway, I believe that this season is not only about sacrifice but also about self examination. It is a time for reflection and taking stock. This is going to be an interesting journey to say the least because sometimes I just don't wanna look in that mirror and deal with me.

Anyway, now that I've officially babbled on, I wish and pray that you a productive, and fruitful Lent season.

Don't Come Back Another Day.....

2009-11-22T10:14:00.007-05:00

Guilt, guilt go away and don't come back another day (sung to the tune of rain rain go away of course) I know I can't please everyone, but I also hate it when I let people down, even if it is unintentional. Aside from setting boundaries, this is yet another thing that I need to consciously work on. If I don't, well, I will continue to feel that weight upon my shoulders.

However, I guess the whole boundaries and guilt thing go hand in hand, if I set reasonable boundaries, the feelings of guilt will not be so strong. Perhaps I can simply feel it for the moment and move on and not go to sleep feeling it and wake up feeling it like I am today.

I don't know. Sometimes I wonder if I should have continued in therapy instead of taking a break. (lol!!!) I just need to remember that I am a work in progress, I just hope I can reach some level of peace in this lifetime.

Nerve Racking

2009-11-19T20:21:00.003-05:00

It's really nerve racking when what you need and desire is support and in return you have folks telling you what you should do (which is really what they should do) and how you should conduct matters in your life. Last I heard, this is my life. I guess I just need to keep my mouth quiet when it comes to certain things. I know people mean well, but God, I just ask that YOU help me make the right choices.

Shot Caller

2009-11-16T20:18:00.009-05:00

I've been talking to you about boundaries for quite some time Sandy and I must say that I am quite impressed with your recent growth. I know it's difficult sometimes when you have to set them with those who for so long have crossed that imaginary, or should I say invisible line. Anyway, keep it up! The small ways in which you are improving really do count. Remember, you call the shots!

Residual Peering.....

2009-11-15T19:36:00.004-05:00

He moved? I need to remind myself of that every time I decide to peak out the window. What am I looking for anyway? I think I'm secretly hoping to see him. I don't know why, when I do see him I get upset often time to the point of tears. Not to mention I start thinking about him non-stop. It's been over six months since we've been together but I still miss him. A lot. It's a process however so in the meantime, I will heal.

PS: (I'm not referring to the guy in the post below..lol!)

A Good Thing!

2009-11-14T15:43:00.003-05:00

If I'm honest with myself, yes I am attracted to you, very much so. But I also understand that you are serving a very unique purpose in my life right now and I in yours. With that said, I don't wanna mess up a good thing. I honor and respect where you are in your life and even more importantly, I'm learning to honor me and where I am. I'm on a healing journey. Who knows, maybe the stars will align for us in the future. Maybe not. In the meantime I thank you for being such a great friend and for helping me to get to where I need to be. Thanks!

Not Exempt

2009-07-08T13:42:00.004-05:00

The economy is affecting everything and everyone and my organization is not exempt from the hardships that are falling on many businesses. Today, that reality hit home. We eliminated four positions which unfortunately, affected two people who I happened to have relationships with. What a bummer... :(

An Asset or Liability?

2009-06-27T17:15:00.007-05:00

You know, I wonder if my being such a giving, kind and loving person with regards to relationships is an asset or liability. Uuuuugh!

Crumbs.

2009-05-25T19:23:00.003-05:00

I'm part of a support group where I have met some fabulous people/women who have overcome and continue to overcome many things in life. One of the things that has stuck with me this weekend is something that someone who I've bonded with told me as it relates to my hesitancy to move on. She said that I cannot sit around "waiting for crumbs my ex will throw my way." When I read it I was like wow, this is exactly what I am doing by not wanting to really date anyone out of hope that we will get back together. With that said, I will take baby steps to open myself up to the possibility. I'm worth it!

Moving On

2009-05-11T06:41:00.006-05:00

I thought I was getting stronger, and maybe I am, but it doesn't feel like it right now as I sit here crying, mourning over the loss of a relationship. I guess tears are therapeutic. I guess. I miss you.

To Finish off my Fatness....

2009-05-03T16:32:00.002-05:00

I started out determined. I knew I was going away to Nawlins for work for four days, then to Florida for a week to see my Grandmother and Mom and I worked out with a vengeance before I left so that if I decided to have beignets in N.O. I could do that and not feel bad. I had a plan to work out daily at the hotel and when I got to Florida to go to Golds Gym and to the Beach daily to keep the momentum going. Well, it didn't quite happen that way. I was off to a good start, even went to the $10 hotel gym twice but something happened. I started eating and I couldn't stop. Everyday I would wake up and tell myself that today was a new day only to discover myself (for the thousandth time) falling off the wagon.

How could this be? I just finished a month of eating well (about 1200-1500) and working out, and had lost 6 pounds. I felt good, looked good and knew that this was it, and now look at me... Back to square one... I don't even wanna get on the scale as I am very disappointed in myself. I mean, the good thing about it all is that I still have a fight in me and plan to get back on track this week but to to finish off my fatness (in other words, add insult to injury) I decided to stop at McDonald's and have an apple pie with vanilla ice cream. How incredibly sad that I had to give myself a good bye gift of sort. It didn't even make me feel better but I did it anyway.
What am I gonna do with myself....?

Gotta Love Em

2009-04-14T10:19:00.004-05:00

My family is a TRIP...My Brother and his family are visiting my mom in Florida and already today my brother has called to talk about my mother and her leaving food out all night by mistake and not throwing it away. His girlfriend is going insane cause she's a health nut and the thought of bacteria on the chicken is making her sick. My mother has called to talk about my nephew who she affectionately called a "banchie" for begging for ice cream this morning, about her friend who came down yesterday with her drinking problem and about my grandmother who won't eat her food cause she thinks my brother's girlfriend made it and not my mom.

It's quite comical if you ask me and I totally understand why they are going crazy and why his girlfriend wants to stay at a hotel. There are 5 adults and 5 children in a three bedroom split level ranch house. My grandmother has a bathroom in her bedroom but I'm sure they are all using the one bathroom in the hallway cause I don't see my grandmother allowing anyone in her room to get to the other one. I go crazy when I'm just there with my mom and grandmother so I can only imagine the madhouse that has 5 blow up beds, clothes and suitcases all over the house. (not to mention the fact that my mom is a pack rat) All I have to say is that I'm glad I'm not there.....

So Many Opinion's.....

2009-04-10T21:17:00.005-05:00

Why is it that we (I will include myself) ALWAYS have an opinion about something? In particular when it comes to other people's lives.... I try to keep mine to myself unless someone asks, and even then it's hard to give depending on what it is (or if I'm angry or feeling like being a jerk :) ... Anyway, this is on my mind because I've been particularly sensitive to the opinions that others have of me and the things I do.

I guess when I share things (which, I need to not share so much) I need to tell people that I'm not telling them for them to give me their opinion (judgement/negative opinion), but for their support.

Folks seem to always have opinions about where I go and how I spend my time. How I spend my money. About my weight. About my diet. About my exercise. About my not really going to church right now. About my hair. etc. And to be honest...... I think I need to encourage folk in the way that my mom used to encourage me... If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say it at all." I mean really, unless, I'm about to kill myself, I no longer give people permission to give me their opinion, however I do grant permission to encourage me and not judge me and I give permission to speak to me in love and concern. But your opinions? You can keep em and in turn I guess I will have to work hard to do the same. (even if it hurts) I realize this is a challenge so I am giving out free passes. :)

My Reality..

2009-04-05T12:35:00.004-05:00

Sadness
Heartbreak
Anger
Frustration
Loneliness, back to sadness (which comes and goes throughout my days).
These emotions are a big part of my reality right now.
So, I buy myself flowers every week to help heal the pain that lies within. It helps I guess.

This weeks flower is the Tulip.

Taking Care of Sandy.

2009-03-24T21:19:00.004-05:00

So, I'm really learning how to take care of myself in very small ways thanks to my "life coach" and a few other friends. Some things are very small and I didn't realize it had anything to do with me taking care of me and other things are very intentional. I've been doing simple things like lighting candles in the evening when I'm home and eating my food on some very pretty china might I add and I've been pampering myself with things like manicure/pedicures and shopping for new dresses that make me feel very girlie. The hard part is learning how to NOT spend money in this process.... There are lots of things I can do for me that don't include swiping that debit card. :)

The notion of taking care of myself has actually been quite a challenge for me because I've focused so much of my time on everything and everybody else but me over the years. Because of that, I'm gonna make a "be nice to Sandy" list and refer to it when I need to be good to me!

I realize that there are several things that I'll have work harder at than the average Joe. It's ok though, sometimes it beez like that.

Anyway people...Be good to you like I'm learning to be to me..... :)

Again. . .

2009-03-15T14:32:00.002-05:00

So, me and my guy called it "quits" again a few weeks ago. It sucks, but I reckon we just need some time. I reckon. I'm good all things considered however, I have my moments, like now for instance, I was in NJ this weekend and had a blast with friends and while I thought about him, being with my girls, made it easier to cope I guess.

But now, the high of the weekend is gone. I came home, saw his car outside (did I ever mention we are neighbors???? sucks) and now I'm a little down, not all the way but, I really miss him. It's hard going from seeing each other a lot and speaking alllllll the time to basically nothing. It was especially hard this past week when I was working like a Hebrew slave at work. When I got home, I was so exhausted each day, a hug would have really hit the spot (and a nice back rub) :)

Anyway, I just needed an outlet so I came here. I guess I will go make myself useful (to myself) and clean up. Maybe turn on a little Stevie... A little Stevie ain't never hurt nobody.

Bright Light

2009-02-03T21:39:00.005-05:00

Bangaly sent me an email today and the title was "Bright Light". When I opened it, there was a picture from my 35th birthday. Right in the center there was my dear friend Beth who passed away a few short months ago. She was the only one you could really see in the picture which is why I guess he named it so.

How ironic is that, that he would send me such an old picture on the eve of what would have been her 40th Birthday. I think about her all the time and my heart was filled with joy and sadness when I saw this picture. I really miss you Beth! Happy 4oth Birthday, I'm sure this is probably one of the best birthdays ever....

In 2009 I Wanna......

2009-01-13T20:35:00.004-05:00

I wanna read exciting and stimulating books

I wanna lose weight (AGAIN)

I wanna eat right

I wanna continue my journey to healing and wholeness

I wanna be free from worry

I wanna set and keep boundaries

I wanna be a better steward over my finances (stop using credit cards)

I wanna keep my house clean and organized

I wanna be an honest person

I wanna be free from road rage

I wanna travel to Paris (guess i need to practice my french)

I wanna do these things and so much more

I wanna move from this place so I can be free.

PS: I aslo wanna meet Marcus Langford but he's been dissin a sista!

Inspiration from Charlie Brown... Just a little. Is this Really Inspiration?

2008-12-31T00:53:00.005-05:00

What I've learned/discovered in 2008.....

Therapy is a really good thing.. A reeeeally good thing.
Sometimes girls can really be petty.
My friends are weird in their own way (me too)
I do have choices.
I cannot afford to buy a house on the beach in Martha's Vineyard :(

Mount Gay Rum is super yummy.
I am a perfectionist.
I am not perfect.
There really is some validity to my issues.
I love my sage and brown living room.

How to better control my anxiety (still working on that though..)
Me and God are truly in a legitimate beef.
I still cannot stand the site or thought of capers.
I can't eat non stop and expect not to gain weight.
I DO have the discipline to do what I gotta do. (I just don't always exercise it)

I really need to make more money.
I can't keep using credit cards and expect not to be in debt at the end of it all.
Everyone has a story, has been thru and overcome something.
I can be really nosey.
I really don't like excluding people intentionally (It makes me sad).

Friendships don't always last forever.
Chop't salads are THE BOMB!!! (I've spent at least $100 there since I discovered them.)
It doesn't pay to live beyond your means.
Facebook is a drug that you can easily get addicted to.
It's sometimes hard to rekindle an interrupted friendship.

It is possible to be strong in the face of adversity. I think.
I personally don't like it when people call only when they need something.
My TV does not pass the test. I need one of those little digital boxes. Fooey.
It is possible for a man (or woman for that matter) of color to be President of the United States.
Jarrow Dophilous + Fos (pro biotic) is your friend.

It's much easier to be honest. or should I say it doesn't pay to be dishonest.
That my second bedroom is a mess once again. Sheesh.
McDonald's Southern style chicken is surprisingly tasty.
You can't have everything (or can you? I'm still pondering this one)
Having a granny with dementia is sad but sometimes entertaining.

That taking a daily shower is not a bad thing. (who would have thunk it?)
It's ok to say no. (go figure).
That my health should be my first priority.
That I cannot put off getting new windows one more year. (Oh wait, I need $ for that)
I shouldn't spend my window budget before I get windows. Duh!

Patience isn't a super bad thing.
I know a gang of folks. But not all of them are my friends.
Lastly, I learned that I can go on and on but I won't. I'm tired.

HAPPY NEW YEAR YALL!!!!!

I've met several new blogger friends this year and it's been great getting to know you! Be safe and lets make 2009 great, one day at a time! Three cheers for me and you what the heck!

I'm Tagging Myself!

2008-12-08T22:07:00.003-05:00

I tagged myself because Keisha didn't tag me!! :)

Blog Interrogation Rules

A.)Pass this on to 7 people: (not sure I have 7 folk :()

Sophistokated Shelly
Testimony and Truth

B.)Answer the following questions using only one word.

where is your cell phone? Couch

where is your significant other? Charlotte

what's your hair color? Blend

Your mother? Pretty

your father? Drunk

your favorite thing? Butterfly's

your dream last night? Forgotten

your dream/goal? Fearless

the room you're in? Living

your hobby? Eating

your fear? Capers

where do you want to be in 6 years? Married

where were you last night? Concert

what you're not? Warm

one of your wish list items? Children

where you grew up? Jersey

the last thing you did? Scratch

what are you wearing? Tank

your tv? Mute

your pet? None

your computer? Dell

your mood? Irritated

missing someone? Always

your car? Hannah

something you're not wearing? Undies

favorite store? Target

your summer? Expensive

love someone? Yes

your favorite color? Green

when is the last time you laughed? Morning

last time you cried? Humm

are you a b*tch? Depends

favorite position? Sleep

favorite past time? Outdoors

are you a hater or a lover? Both

are you genuine or fake? Genuine

any vices? Indeed

pro life or wire hanger? Choice

mccain or obama? Obama

pro plastic or natural? Natural

dream job? Homemaker

Another Year.

2008-12-05T01:04:00.005-05:00

Well, the time has come.. Today is the day that God decided that I should enter the earth! What a glorious day it was/is might I add. I'm slowly coming to grips with the fact that I am getting closer to 40 with every year (slowly) and I am super excited that I am going to celebrate in style this weekend!

I have friends coming from NJ and others here in the DC area who are going to share in this occasion with me and I am grateful. I honestly cannot say that anything major has happened to me over the past year but I do see growth in small subtle, may times consistent ways. I'm truly learning how to love and honor me. This journey does not come without it's challenges lord knows but what it does come with is an increased awareness that I don't have to be overcome by my circumstances. Do I fall short trying to be the best me I can be? Yes and I am sure that I will continue to do so but I just pray that by the grace of God I can make it to the other side. The other side of what I'm not exactly sure but I know it will be a place of self awareness that I'm not at now.

Thanks for taking this journey with me and where ever you are celebrate with me. Get a two piece dark meat meal with a biscuit from Popeye's, a Twinkie and some red flavored Koolaid, a
White Castle/Krystal burger or take a swig of a Old English 40 oz what ever you do, think of your girl!

Peace

Coming Soon.... My Birthday

2008-11-16T15:23:00.003-05:00

I am so super syked about my birthday. Each year, months before it comes, even up to a couple weeks before I am toiling over what I should do to celebrate... This year is going to be a great one and I cannot wait to celebrate! All eyes on me, good friends, good eats and plenty of laughs. If anyone is in the DC area and would like to come celebrate the weekend of December 5th, let me know! My weekend menu consists of:

1. Dinner party on Friday @ a friends house.

2. Fun filled day with friends on Saturday and perhaps a nice dinner... I'm leaning towards Italian. I may even hit up a couple of places to dance the night away.

3. Sunday I am going to see Kindred the Family Soul in concert at the 9:30 Club. I am so excited about this. I'm going to beg them to sing happy birthday to me....

Anyway, I've got a lot of things to accomplish this week so I need to go write out my plan. Hope you are all well.

Nothing Left to Say But......

2008-11-05T14:08:00.000-05:00

Costume Confusion

2008-11-02T07:29:00.005-05:00

I thought I was Marilyn Monroe but when I looked closely I thought, hey! I look like little Kim (not good!) LOL!

Good and Plenty

2008-10-29T20:12:00.005-05:00

I was cleaning out and organizing my closets this evening. Getting rid of stuff I'm not gonna wear. Packing away summer clothes (even though I will be to thin to fit them next year), and trying on clothes that I've forgotten about. (I've got some pretty nice pieces)

With that, I've found that I have enough clothing for work at least, to get me through the winter season. Enough bottoms that is. What I plan to do, is take what I have and simply go shirt/jacket shopping (with a little shoe shopping in between of course).

Whatever else I get this season will simply be for social outings with friends.. Of course whatever I get will be on sale!

I'm so excited about my findings because this will save me a lot of cash money money. I am determined to be fly this winter with old pants and skirts. I love it!

21 Days

2008-10-26T19:43:00.004-05:00

Hey There!

I hope all is well with ery'one! I'm still hanging in there with regards to getting my body right. I recently started a weight loss plan last week after meeting with a nutritionist and it's been good. I'm even surprising myself. I'm writing on this blog everyday. I'm simply sharing my challenges and my every day journey with food. I love food. Check it out.

http://21daystogoodhealth.blogspot.com/

Holla!

Collision

2008-10-20T12:52:00.005-05:00

Have you ever had one of those to cool for school, please Hammer don't hurt em moments? Well that's how I feel now. It's like feeling cute and looking cute have collided! I love it!

Hu Homecoming 2008

2008-10-19T17:28:00.010-05:00

It's Sunday and folks are gone! It was good to host some friends and entertain this weekend! I got to see some old familiar faces and enjoy some good times, good drinks and good food. What more can one ask for! Have a happy Monday!

Jen and Eve my houseguests

Me and D-Nice

The Crowd at Jin

Sab, Jen, Eve and Erica

Nik and Neise

Kensei, Buni and Thembi

Too Old

2008-10-18T08:31:00.003-05:00

So my gurls got here late yesterday and we sat around on facebook and was shooting the breeze when we decided to go out to Adams Morgan to get some grub at The Diner. Yeah, bad idea! The line was long as all get out and the block was waaaaay too hot. I soon realized that I was waaaay to old to be out there. I felt like the grandmother of the crowd. Cops where everywhere, ladies were in shirt dresses half naked, people fighting (me running), the cops chilling not caring about what was going on. It was pretty disgusting. So we left there and went to Ben's Chili bowl to get vegetarian chili cheese fries (yummy) and then came home. I didn't get to bed till almost 4 and I am up tired and feelin like a cold is trying to come on :( Anyway, I will keep you posted on the rest of my homecoming weekend. Hopefully it will get better....

Holla

Gettin Ready....

2008-10-13T20:39:00.002-05:00

My Homecoming is this weekend and I am preparing as we speak... I'm getting tired thinking about it too... I have friends coming and a couple are staying with me which is why I am busy painting my bedroom and sorting clothes tonight...I thought I didn't have any clothes...sheesh!

Anyway, I'm super syked, even though I may not go out on Saturday night. We shall see.....

This is a pic of me and my homies last year during homecoming. It was taken outside of Cream on U Street....We waited an hour to get seated. I think I will have brunch at my crib this year. I dunno.

Processing

2008-10-10T18:48:00.003-05:00

There are quite a few people these days that I know who have lost a love one or someone close to them. I too, just this past week, lost a near and dear friend who at the tender age of 39 and who had accomplished so much in her life was gone in the twinkling of an eye (literally!)

Life is so precious but what's even more interesting to me is the way people process death. I attended my friend Beth's memorial service yesterday morning and I found that people displayed an array of emotions. I started to wonder if I was the only one there who was actually filled with a little bit of joy to some extent, which of course made me question myself. I was thinking as two friends sat on the side of me weeping, should I be crying right now? ( although I shed my fair share of tears a few days this week). People were in somewhat somber moods and when asked how I was doing, I would answer with what may have appeared like a perky, I'm doing ok which then made me think to myself, should I sound more down? Then I had come the realize that how I feel is how I feel and it's ok. It is how I am processing it all

I miss my friend, don't get me wrong and I haven't stopped thinking about her, but there was something about seeing her on the cover of her obituary that made me smile on the inside and out. Something that made me feel at peace with the fact that she is now with the Lord and something that made me a bit honored to have been her friend.

She, was quite the humble one for someone who had accomplished so much in her life so that left everyone who loved her to often brag about her to others. After all who else had a friend who was a Ph.D in Astronomy?

Anyway, I'm headed out to her actual funeral tomorrow down in the county, I'm going with a few friends so ya'll keep her family and friends in prayer because while some may be at peace, having to deal with the death of a loved especially someone so young and so sudden is never easy.

With that said, have a great weekend! Enjoy some of this beautiful fall weather!

Till We Meet Again..

2008-10-05T20:23:00.005-05:00

It all happened so quick.... You were here and now you are gone... This gives new meaning to the whole notion of not knowing the day or the hour in which we will go.
Why is death sometimes so sudden? I'm sad that I won't be able to see you any longer, that we won't be able to share our deepest secrets, our deepest fears with each other.
I don't know what to say right now and I don't even really know how to feel so I'll just say
I will miss you Beth

Wake up Everybody 2008

2008-10-05T08:15:00.004-05:00

This video was created well before the presidential election however it's perfect for this moment in history. I knew it was older cause Babyface and Tracey were still together and Wyclef had locks. Lol! Enjoy!

CBC and Me

2008-09-28T18:07:00.007-05:00

This past week I went to several receptions and events for the Congressional Black Caucus . It was fun and exhausting all at the same time. The best part was dressing up and looking cute (not that it takes that much for me to look cute - Ha!) There were sooo many people out this week. My girlfriend, who is a lobbyist, made it a point to show me who all the congress people were cause of course I had no clue. I still don't.

Anyway, the great thing about these events is that they were all free! Free grub (appetizers). Free drinks (holla) and free fun. What more can you ask for. It was for Friday's events however that I decided to adorn myself with a new oh so cute little black dress. I have to admit to you all that I looked simply gorgeous! Really I did. (so humble I am)

Anyway, with all the running I did this past week, I am certainly going to chill this week indeed.

Setting Boundaries

2008-09-23T20:13:00.007-05:00

I'm at a point again on my journey where I need to take a look at boundaries. How far I've come as it relates to setting them and sticking to them and how far I need to go. I feel like I've been doing a decent job at being available when I can be and saying no when it's appropriate, but as of late, I see myself slipping and I won't have that!

It's funny. I feel like I am either one extreme or the other. Either I am doing doing doing for others, or I am so tired of doing that I say no to everything. I guess the part that really bothers me is when certain persons try to make me feel obligated to do things for them. That's wack, point blank! But, its that guilt that makes me give in and then I get angry with myself.

I'm seeking to find balance because I really don't want to say no if its something I can and want to do. Even though sometimes it's necessary to do so for practice. With that said, this week I am going to practice saying no (again) and not give excuses like I so often do. I have to remind myself that I really don't owe anyone an excuse. It's my choice.

With that said, next week (since this one is gonna be sooo very busy) I am going to focus on doing things for me. Why not.

An Unintentional Date... With Myself

2008-09-20T16:37:00.005-05:00

Although the day is not over, (I still have a get together to go to in a bit) I thought I'd let you all know I had a great day with me! In the recent months being alone has proven to be depressing to me. I would be out all day with friends, come home and within moments feel sad and alone but not today! And I loved every minute of it.

I went to acu-torture (oops I mean acupuncture) and I found rock star parking right out front. (It's near the zoo and it's always hard to find parking)

I then went looking for the Chop't franchise in Dupont and couldn't locate it so I went to the Chinatown location (or as I sometimes say, Chinablock... LOL!) Again, I found rock star parking and as I was on my way to get a yummy salad from my new addiction, I passed the portrait galley and decided to go check out the hip hop exhibit. a couple of my favorite pics are below. It was cool but of course it could have been better. Not better cause it was bad but better because hip hop is so multifaceted. But it was aight. Lest I forget to mention that my salad was the bomb! Romaine lettuce, kalamata olives,eggs, carrots, cukes and onions all chop't up and tossed in a yummy white balsamic dressing.....uuummmm.

Nevertheless, I left that area and decided to head over to Eastern Market to get some produce. And, I wanted to purchase a decorative switch plate for a light switch at the crib but I couldn't find the guy who normally sells them. I did however manage to get an Obama shirt for my momma... oh, did I mention I found great parking there as well. I should have titled this Rock Star Parking. For those who live in the area, they know parking can be and is a challenge in the popular areas, shoot all area's for that matter.

After that, I headed over to get a few more groceries for the week and headed home to chill out before the nighttime festivities. In the meantime my good brother friend stopped by and chilled with his little sis for a moment and we then headed a few blocks over to check out the house that my neighbor friend is purchasing.

Now, I am home chilling, about to make myself look like something so I won't have folk lookin at me crazy, happy that I had a good day with me and grateful that I took the time to wash my smelly dishes...... With that said, I'll holla at yall later!

Erykah Badu

Jean Grae

DJ Shadow

Just Blabbin (as usual)

2008-09-12T18:28:00.005-05:00

There has been a lot, but then again not much going on since I've been back from vacation. Work has been off the chain, my body is doing its own thing. I hurt my back last week working out and then yesterday working out. Doing Yoga no less (yoga is not for those with back issues I tell ya) I'm sitting here with an ice pack on my back now. I also haven't been eating that great over the past couple of weeks either, but I hope to get back on track cause we're doing a diet challenge at work. I can possibly win $600. Holla. That's a trip to Florida to see mom dukes and enough to get a couple of gifts... Did I mention I was broke? Sheesh.. It's tight on a bison these days (HU!) shout out to all my Howard Grad's!

I don't know if I've mentioned it, but I've been thinking about going back to school to get my MBA, we shall see, I keep toying with the idea... I toy with a lot of ideas I guess, then I get jealous when I see others do what I wanna do.... I'm such a hater... I guess if I stop being so afraid and such a procrastinator I too can follow my dreams. Will you all remind me to do that? I have a few revenue generating ideas and I'm sitting on a potential gold mine if I just get off my tail...

All of this can get very overwhelming and depressing when I think about it. I just need to learn how to take baby steps and stop thinking so all or nothing, so big picture. It's good to have that perspective but if I don't start small? duh!

Anyway, I just wanted to give you all a shout out. I'm resting cause I have the nerve to be going out tonight. But who can pass up Ethiopian food. We may go hang out at one of the lounges later too but my dancing will be nothing more than a two step with this jacked up back... Did I mention that I just got a deep tissue massage on Monday to work out the kinks from last week? What a waste. Did I mention that I took the money from my window fund? Sad, I've been getting new windows forever....

Anyway, ya'll continue to pray for your gurl. I'm a mess. :)

This commercial is 2 cute!

All Good Things Don't Have 2 Come To An End....

2008-08-30T22:26:00.003-05:00

I had such a great time. Here are a few pics from my trip!

New England Summers... I Love Them.

2008-08-26T16:22:00.003-05:00

I Love Martha's Vineyard. My trip has been good so far. I've only been here for a few days and I've experienced:
Big Boats
Ice Cream
Hot Sun
Hanging out
Fish Sandwiches
Fried Clams
Yummy Banana Walnut Pancakes (I made them myself)
Great Friends
A Sick Friend who we had to send home (and a little bit of drama behind that)
Sangria
Walking
Mojitos
Drinks of the Day
The Beach
Hip Hop Abs
Showers
Sleeping
Laughing
Reading
Fussin
Corney Games
The Ocean
Sun Tans
.......and more.......
Going to watch the sunset in an hour. I'll be sure to send pics soon.

I Was Thinkin...

2008-08-23T22:53:00.005-05:00

and we all know what happens when I start to think... LOL! Anyway, this is so random but it's late and I need a place to talk this out.... I have to be at the train station at 7 in morning and it's really really sad that I didn't feel 100% comfortable asking any of my friends to take me. I don't know if that says something about me or them. Maybe both.

I personally don't ever want to "put people out of there way" or ever inconvenience them so many times that keeps me from asking (which only stresses me out) and then makes me angry because I am that one who would go that extra mile to accommodate my friends or to make them feel comfortable, yet I don't even feel comfortable to ask for a simple ride.

I'm sure if I would just ask for what I want instead of predicting what folk would say then I would be much better off. or would I? Not sure. If someone said no, I would probably get an attitude, if someone got an attitude but said they would do it anyway, I would probably match that attitude and say forget it.

I really have issues y'all. Its midnight, I need to be up early and I finally got someone who doesn't even live near me to come all the way over to my side of town to come get me (even though there are at least 3 or 4 folk on my side of town that I could ask if I felt comfortable)

So wack.... I think, perhaps I should talk this out with the folk who I didn't ask. I'm tired, so I'm out.

On another note (one that doesn't include me and my issues)
Congrats to Camille and Marvin on tying the knot today....

As of Late...

2008-08-14T22:07:00.008-05:00

It seems that I have been writing a medley of things in my posts as of late.. I have an overactive mind, so I guess this works for me right now...

How do they decide? I was wondering the other day, as I was watching the news at the gym about how the media decides what to hype up, over do, exploit or simply report on particular issues. There are a numbers of missing children throughout the United States but they only report on a few. There are lots of great athletes, yet they focus on that one. There's a lot of crime, but they choose to focus on those in less desirable neighborhoods. There are two people running for president but they emotionally beat down only one (humm who could that be? :) There are lots of young people doing some extraordinary things yet they focus on the negative. Interesting.

My second bedroom. You all know from a previous post that I have undertaken this project to clean, organize, paint and purge. Well, I started with my second bedroom/office/serenity now room and I am happy to say that the only thing the room needs now is some decoration. I did a dern good paint job on the room, I put up new curtains, I have a bookshelf and I put a little hand me down couch in there which with a new slip cover looks great. (although it's a little big) Now all I have to do is get rid of most, if not all the stuff that was previously in there which is taking up residence in my kitchen and living room, in boxes. If it ain't one thing it's another, but I had to take that stuff out in order to make progress in there and now look. After 5 years, I did it!

BEFORE

AFTER

Decisions. I absolutely love to travel. I will go hungry to travel. I will tap dance on the street corners to travel. I will go into debt unfortunately to travel. That's what it really is. This time it's different, I am making better choices when it comes to spending money on going places. I am thinking about other priorities and weighing my options as opposed to just doing it. I had to make the final decisions today that I could not go on that trip to Cancun in October that I told you about and I can't make the trip to Miami my sista friend was trying to take in September. Reality set in. I have no money and I am still trying to get new windows before the winter hits (I've been trying to get new windows for the past 5 years but I keep spending the money on traveling) While I felt good that I made the right decision, I feel bad that I have to let my friends down. But oh well what can I do...

Spiritually. I will admit, I'm not doing so well. In many ways, I've reverted back to some old ways of living. Not good. It is on this journey however, that I am learning how to forgive myself and not be so hard on myself. It's weird this "phase" that I'm in though. It's an unfamiliar place. I'm sure many of you may have been at a point where you were mad, frustrated, angry or just disappointed in God. Well that's where I am. Do I have the right? Probably not but the reality is, is that I am for many reasons, some of which I am not even willing to explore right now. So with that said, if you know anything about prayer, please don't forget about me. Please.

Work.. In my last review, my boss told me I was great but that I needed to take more initiative. I was angry for many reasons (and my therapist and I are working that out thank you) but after I calmed down, I got a book titled 1001 Ways to Take Initiative at Work and it's a wealth of information. I even got my 1st kudos from my boss for taking initiative on a project at work last week. You know I am gonna save that email and all the others. Hopefully, she won't forget to let me know when she recognizes it.

Most Disturbing Email. I received the most disturbing email today. Some of you may have seen it. I probably shouldn't even be showing this so review at your own risk. It is a tape of children dancing very provocatively. Oops, did I say children. I mean BABIES! These parents, yes they need prayer but they also need therapy and I would go as far and say that they need to be taken away from the parents (even if for a moment) this is a disgrace. I don't know what else to say. http://wpgc955. com/The-Most- DISTURBING- Video-You- Will-EVER- SEE-/2819344

Just plain tired.Well folks, it's past my bedtime and I have a long day ahead of me so y'all take care now. I know, you know that there is much more on this mind but I can barely think any more let alone type. Have a great week! I'll be around

This and That

2008-08-12T19:27:00.003-05:00

The Parking Dilemma-My life revolves around parking. I can never leave the house in the morning without deciding on whether I should drive or take the train. I have to think about my plans for the day, about what time I am gonna get home, and if I go somewhere after work, (which is a norm for me) I have to think if there are going to be any people there who live near me or who will pass my place on their way home so I can get a ride if I do decide to attend an event. Sometimes I just go home and forgo any activities because of the drama.... Other times if I decide to drive I have to leave early. I hate that my social life revolves around parking. But that's how it beez right now so hey, what can I do?

Working it out- I've been working out a lot lately and I am very proud of myself. I sure wish the weight would come off a bit faster but I guess this will be a lesson in patience for me. I realize that I don't have much these days which is not really that good. Can I tell you that I am 16 days free of cookies candy and cake. I set this short goal for myself and hopefully when I incorporate some of those things back in I can show some restraint for Pete's sake... I wish the desire for them would go away to be honest but sweets are to Sandy like crack is to pookie(ya'll remember New Jack City right? LOL!)

Looking Good- As you all may know, I won the tee shirt contest, you know, the one I told you to enter but also said I would hate on you if you won and I didn't. Well, it's official. Check me out looking hot in my Eye Candy tee. (even though my lil friends may get in the way of you noticing that.) Thanks again Marcus for sponsoring and Lisa for hosting the contest.

This and That-I know there's a lot more on my mind, like the fact that me and my neighbor started hanging out again. (No comments from the peanut gallery thank you) LOL! And, the fact that I am am super syked about my vacation to Martha's Vineyard that's coming up. And, the fact that I am still in the grueling process of organizing the house. And, the fact that I have sooooooo much to do at work that it's crazy ridiculous. And, the fact that I've come to the conclusion today that I really can't afford to go to my friends wedding in Cancun this October (unless someone out there has a time share they are willing to lend, or a jet or just some cash). Deep sigh. I think that's it for now. I think.

Theoretically Speaking (Just the beginning)

2008-08-06T22:02:00.003-05:00

I want to start by saying that the research that I've done on these topic were limited to maybe two to four people. There is no room for disputes.....LOL! I am soo super smart that I come up with these theory's in a matter of minutes....

1. For every hairy dark skinned man there are 59.52 hairy light skinned men. This one came about when I saw three super hairy light skinned men in a matter of hours... My brother is one of them and the others are friends. You just don't see to many hairy dark skinned men around. Maybe the light skinned men need it to protect them from the sun? Who knows. Maybe dark skinned hairy men are an endangered bunch.

2. It is possible that someone can multiply and not be fruitful. My cousin with 7 kids and 6 baby daddies and my friends cousins man that has 15 kids with 7 baby mommas. They've multiplied but that sho ain't fruitful. What can possibly be fruitful about having so many kids by so many folk. That aint right. No it ain't.

3. 97% of Caucasian people who live in predominately African American neighborhoods have Dogs. I know that black people love dogs but, our fellow Caucasian brothers and sisters love them even more. And if they live in a black neighborhood, you are more likely to see them walking a dog. Christian Lander agrees with me too. Ok he doesn't take it to the extent that I do. Hardly anyone ever takes it to the extent I do...

Be on the look out for more theory's when a subject inspires me...... If you have any theories please respond and let me know. Perhaps this will become a movement....Deep!

Conversations about the Beach.....

2008-08-03T19:24:00.008-05:00

I wish I had a picture of me swimming in the water with the dolphins. There were so many, maybe 10 of them. They were pretty close too. I've always wanted to swim with them, maybe this was the closet I will ever get. Not sure.

Thankfully, I didn't get caught in a rip current, I was really nervous about that you know? There have been quite a few of them on the eastern shore due to all the storms and stuff. I wouldn't have wanted a picture of that. The sea and being in it is humbling you know. It's just little ole me and water for days, years for that matter. I love the beach, there's something about the sun, the sand and the water that makes me feel free... Not free like those dang on seagulls though. One dropped a bomb on me on Friday. Yuck! Wish I had a picture of that. On Saturday, these little girls were feeding them right next to my blanket. I was mad. Who the heck wants a bunch of seagulls flying over them fighting for Doritos no less? Not the kid. At one point I screamed and I think people were laughing at me. That picture in hind sight would have made me laugh. And hard..... LOL!

I ate great food this weekend, Italian, seafood and good ole Cracker Barrel and Bob Evans for breakfast.... But can you believe it, I managed to be at the beach the whole weekend and not each cookies, cakes and candy. No funnel cake. Oh my gosh, who can be around funnel cake and not buy it and eat it fast with the powder all over your face and clothes....? I guess that answer is me.... Who would have thunk it.... I was nervous about the whole not eating junk food thing this weekend, thinking I couldn't do it and I did. I gave myself permission to drink chocolate milk however. That's it. I had three over the weekend. Anyway, I'm home now, back to my reality (not that the beach wasn't my reality for those few days). I didn't take pictures really, just a couple of myself (as usual)

I don't love this one but it cracks me up. What was I supposed to be doing?

Ahhh. In yo face!

Check out the cute bag I purchased... Although tapes are old school, I was making tapes up until last year.... I am such a cornball but my car only has a tape player... Keeping it old school baby.

Have a great week yall!

Looking Good...

2008-07-30T20:38:00.002-05:00

If you wanna look great in your very own Marcus LANGFORD Designer tee shirt, all you have to is visit Mrs. Lisa C follow a few easy instructions and you to can be a winner..... I did it and you can too.

Be sure to let me know if you win (so I can hate on you... I wanna win) LOL!!

The Dancer Within

2008-07-29T20:03:00.003-05:00

OK y'all, Shaun T. is my new best friend. I just got Hip Hop Abs and I absolutely positively love it. I am such a great dancer now. Watch out when you see me on the dance floor.... LOL!

I would recommend this tape to EVERYONE, guys and gals a like. If you work out at home, do yourself a favor and get this tape. It makes you feel so, confident, (like yeah, what son!) :)

Still cleaning......

My Life as a "Stuff Addict"

2008-07-27T11:46:00.007-05:00

Helping my mother pack up her crib and move to Florida this month was inspiration for me to come back home and get my own house in order. She had soooooooooooooo much stuff that it got to be overwhelming and very frustrating and it was just enough to get me to come home and clean clean clean and purge purge purge. This weekend was the perfect time to start.

I changed my bed spread. I'll be covering the mirrors soon as they irritate me and painting.

I cleaned out the drawers in my kitchen. It may not look like it but trust that it's clean

I straightened out my spice cabinet. Yippee!

I cleaned and scrubbed my bathroom. Aaaahh serenity now

And now I'm about to take a trip to the DARK SIDE. The bain of my existence. The thing that haunts me daily. My office/serenity now room (I mean serenity NOT room). Everything gets thrown in this room and the door gets shut but I think I'm ready. I'm going on vacation the 24th for a week and my goal is to have this room cleaned, painted and organized with shelving before I go. I will surely send you updates.

After this, I will be getting new window's (if I can manage to replenish the window fund that I spent over the past 6 months 2G's down the drain) and prayerfully some new cabinets, floor and counter top in the kitchen and new closet systems in the "junk" room and in my bedroom.... Send donations if you feel so inclined :)

Have a great week people! Also, bare with me as I am changing the look of my blog for the 1st time. :)

For B

2008-07-21T21:22:00.004-05:00

I just saw you and I realized that I miss your face

I was just with you and I realized that I miss being with you

You hugged me goodnight and I realized I miss your smell

You kissed me on my forehead and I realized that I miss your touch

I'm lonely without you and because of that I shed a few tears.

But I must be strong, I must move on.

.... in the meantime I'm missing you.

Fast Food Nation

2008-07-18T07:16:00.002-05:00

You know those people who talk about being healthy,
yearn to be healthy, have been told by the doctors to lose weight,
do good for a while, cry when they fall off the wagon but continues to make
bad food choices every so often? Yeah, that's me. (I'm sure I'm not the only one)

Since I've been in NJ with my mom, I've had
fast food EVERYDAY. And, I haven't been meeting
my water quota.

Why am I admitting this?

Probably because I
feel disgusting now... It's been 6 days.
I've had McDonald's, Wendy's, Chinese take out
and Burger King not to mention the fried wings, fried shrimp and french fries
my mom made the other day.

There is something about coming home that makes me go crazy.
It doesn't help that my mom is moving which
makes it easier to run and grab stuff after we've been packing.
This is beyond falling of the wagon. It's down right
Yuck. That's all I can say. But what's done is done.

Today is another day and I am going to be accountable to all my blogger friends by saying that I WILL make better choices today come hell or high water.....

Getting Old(er)...

2008-07-11T23:30:00.003-05:00

I was at a training today for work and after about the 1st hour, my mind started to wander as I stared at this older woman who was at the table next to mine. I thought to myself as I looked at her, wow! I'm gonna get old, (and the reality is, is that I am getting older every day). I think I'm scared to get old. I'm scared that I am gonna be old and alone, or what if I develop some sort of ailment like arthritis? I guess I can't avoid getting older, I can only do the necessary things now that will help me to be a healthy older me. Ahhhhhh. I'm scared, but it's inevitable.

Can't Stop....

2008-07-07T18:00:00.002-05:00

Me and my wonderful neighbor called it "quits" today. I know it's probably for the better. We'll still be friends to the extent that we are able, but I'm sad. I'm crying and I can't stop. I will miss him......

Overdressed and Ungrateful

2008-07-05T09:29:00.004-05:00

I won tickets to this party on the radio the other day. Although the club is nice, it's back up in the cut and quite scary but me and my neighbor decided to go and check it out anyway... After all it was free.

We get there right before 11pm (did I mention the tickets I won only gave us free entry before 11????? wack!) Anyway, after a few minutes in line I feel kinda weird, B looks at the crowd and says he feels old. I noticed that my feeling weird was due to the fact that 97% of the women there had on "dresses" that looked like shirts (I was calling them shirt dresses) and I had on some nice white slimming pants a black strapless halter with a really cute short sleeve sweater. I thought I looked rather hot if you ask me but I guess I was a bit overdressed for that crowd. We only stuck around for an hour maybe then headed down to china town to get something to eat. B had a taste for salty fish rice and chicken (sounds gross right?) but that's what he wanted so that's where we went.

I wasn't terribly hungry but I order some spring rolls and after some hesitation the Kung Pao Tofu and B orders his salty fish rice. The waitress asked him if he ever had it and he said yes. She almost tried to talk him out of it because this is not the typical dish that Americans like but that's what we came down there for.

When my dish finally comes, I tasted it and YUCK! The texture of the tofu was ok but the sauce was nasty, I can't even describe it but I decided that I wasn't going to eat it. B asked the waitress if I could exchange it because I didn't like it and with hesitation again she asked the cook. I heard her say some things in her native language then I heard her clearly and with much attitude say I DON'T THINK SO! That made me laugh really hard on the inside.

She came over took the dish and continued to fuss about how they work really hard and that was the dish that I ordered (basically saying she wasn't going to accommodate me). She looked at B at that time and told him that he wasn't gonna like the fish rice because of the strong fish smell. He said that he had it and that's what he wanted but she refused to give it to him and walked away fast mumbling something... I imagine her calling us a couple of ungrateful negro's. We look at each other in disbelief and walk out. On the way, the waitress apologizes to us but we tell her it was ok. After all, we did get some free spring rolls and water.... LOL!

I had to get on a train early in the morning so we just went home since it was 1am. Needless to say, it was a very interesting evening.

I'm at my mom's now so I imagine I'il have more to blog about once the weekend is over. Stay tuned :)

What I'mTalking About....

2008-06-27T17:56:00.007-05:00

About my momma.... Wow the time has finally come. My mother is unwillingly but willingly moving to Florida to go live with my grandmother for the remainder of her years. She is 90 years old and has lived in Florida for at least 15 years and has grown quite comfortable with her living situation. So, in three weeks my mother must pack up her home, sell stuff, toss stuff and give away stuff. She's been pretty much holding my granny "hostage" since last November and it's about that time they move out of my momma's small house and into my grandmothers small (but bigger than my mothers) house. Please pray for them as they make this transition.. Lord knows they will need it.

About Eat Love Pray....I just finished reading this book and I must say that it was one of the best I've read thus far, close second to I know this much is true by Wally Lamb. This book was a very funny and very enlightening tale (a true one) of this woman who is on this journey to forgive, love and understand herself and to really get to know God for herself. To become whole. She did this by taking a year to travel through Italy (to eat), India (to pray) and Indonesia (to love) hence the name of the book. She’s the meditative, go to India, guru having, yoga type yet I felt a deep connection to her. I felt that her journey to healing and wholeness is very similar to the one that I am on. I would definitely recommend reading this book.

About good health....I’m still hanging in there, tryin to eat right most days and exercising at least 4 times a week. Sometimes even 6 if I’m really feelin it. Go Sandy!

About getting acupuncture…. I would like to think that I have a high thresh hold for pain but I may have to say that I am not certain any more. I got a tattoo, I accidentally stepped on hot coal, I get my armpits waxed, had teeth pulled and tons of fillings, had surgery, sprained my ankle and had a charlie horse. While these things have been painful to some degree, it is the simple procedure of inserting tiny needles in different parts of my body that has proven to be soooo discomforting. It’s not that it’s necessarily painful so to speak, but it does prove to be tad bit uncomfortable. I had my third appt yesterday and while it felt crazy at first, I did end up relaxing enough to fall asleep. I have friends who do it and swear by it so hopefully it will serve me well.

About my neighbor…. We’ve been dating/hanging out/seeing each other for a bit now and I must say that it’s been kinda fun. He’s a nice guy (Canadian). We've done and still do lots of stuff together from eating to shopping to working out to going on a couple of road trips. It’s easy being with him, there really isn’t a lot of pressure to be someone I’m not (although I’m sure he thinks I can be a bit trifling). He has been very encouraging with regards to being healthy, succeeding at work, going back to school, starting a business and setting boundaries… That’s my homie.

About going to therapy…. I’ve been seeing someone else too. But I have to pay her :) it’s been a little over a year and while I do see some significant changes in my life, I must say that I have a ways to go. One way I know I’ve come a long way is that I am actually ok with the fact that it’s been such a long time since I’ve started seeing her. When I first started going, I thought it would be a few months and I’d be out of there. NOT! I’m dealing with years of packed on stuff so naturally, like loosing weight, it’s gonna take a minute. She’s been great and is one of the most non-judgmental persons that I have ever met. Yall be sure to pray with me thru this process. It’s been quite the challenge for me.

About visiting churches… (and I’ll end it here) I decided to start visiting churches with denominations that are different from what I am used to (Baptist) I just started and its been interesting. I was out late last night so I missed going to my third church (Episcopalian) The other two churches were a non-denominational and a roman catholic church. They were different but there were things that I liked (and disliked) about them both. At the non-d church I thought it was nice that the invitation to come to Christ lasted longer than two minutes and at the RC church I liked the pretty music. I won’t say what I didn’t like about them… :)

Anyway, I have an assignment I must complete b4 I head out for the Crisette Michelle and Raheem Devaughn (with Dwele) concert… I can’t wait, I know it will be great!

Oh My....

2008-06-10T18:05:00.005-05:00

Tornado's and Fires and Floods

Oh My......

Storms and Heat Waves and Power outages

Oh My......

Droughts and Thunderstorms and Rain

Oh My.....

HIGH GAS PRICES.... Oh My...... :)

Lest I Forget...

2008-06-03T23:04:00.002-05:00

GO BARACK!!!!

..... As Cake is to Sandy (Part Deux)

2008-06-03T22:19:00.002-05:00

As many of you know, cake is my drug, so I've decided TODAY that I can no longer bake cakes, cupcakes or anything resembling it in my home. (or anywhere else for that matter).

I was baking mini cupcakes to bring to a friend who is celebrating a birthday tomorrow, and I think I ate about 7 of them. (which may equal 3 1/2 regular cupcakes) Not to mention the spoonfuls of batter and icing I ate as well.

I know cake is my weakness which is why I tried to wait as late as I could to bake them. (thought that would work. NOT!) If someone wants cake for their birthday it will have 2B be purchased because I obviously know NO boundaries.

This also comes after a great workout today where I actually ran about a mile (which is big for me) and I worked my shoulders, and abs. I felt good, and now? I feel fat... (cute, but fat)

With that said, I'm checking myself back into rehab folk. Wish me well as I enter for about the 29th time.... deep sigh..... While in some ways I can chuckle about this, I think I would rather cry but that won't do me any good. Instead, I'm gettin back up, dustin myself off and beginning my healing. Again. The theme of my life... Again....

(I guess I should be happy that I even have an again, hello!)

Peace

Taste of the Mint....

2008-05-21T21:30:00.003-05:00

I went to see Mint Condition tonight with my homie Natalie and all's I have to say is that they were the BOMB-DIGGITY!!!!! I've been a fan for years (and while I hate to put it this way) I think I had an "eargasm" yes I did! I said it! (ok I feel better now....)

They ended the show with the song that we all know and love so much.... Pretty Brown Eyes . Check out the video..... While they look old school and wack then, they are still a GREAT band, worth checkin out if they ever come to your town.... And, they look much better now.... :)

Holla!

Looking out the Window

2008-05-13T19:06:00.003-05:00

remember watching some tv shows or cartoons
where a kid on punishment would be looking out the
window sadly at the other kids playing?

for a long time, i felt like that kid on punishment driving from work
seeing people running, walking, riding bikes and roller blading on the trail in this beautiful park. much of which was along side the potomac river. they looked so free and i felt so... not free.

everyday i would seriously envy these people and wonder how they made time to be outdoors. why they weren't as busy as me? day in and day out after work i would rip and run mainly doing things for other people, be it doing something directly for someone else or doing certain things to feel accepted.

today, i gave myself permission to walk that trail and to get much needed sun and exercise after all these rainy days. even though i've been to the park a few times since i've felt like that it wasn't till today that i laughed about those days driving by only wishing i could be out there with them. hopefully i can get out there more as the weather begins to warm because i like to people watch too. today you saw couples hugging and flirting, family's walking, friends jogging, bikers, fishers, a muslim man making salaat in the parking lot and much more. it was nice.

on another note, i found $10 today after work and put it right in my gas tank. $3.87 a gallon. sad.

Who Me?

2008-05-06T15:24:00.007-05:00

I was inspired by Michele to write some little known facts about me. Most, if not all are pretty odd (which shouldn't surprise you). I even added a couple dreams/wishes....Here we go.

1. I've recently fell in love with the word (not the definition) of insurmountable. I over heard someone mention this word last week and since then for some odd reason, I can't stop repeating this word to myself. I like the way it rolls off my tongue...

2. I really enjoy the sounds of the Bag Pipe.

3. As a kid, I ate gum off the ground (I guess if I get hungry enough, I'd do it now!) :)

4. I'm a geek when it comes to collecting the quarters with all the states (I'm almost up to date).

5. It drives me nearly insane (jump off a cliff insane) when I hear people smack their food. (I should probably work this out with my therapist right?) :)

6. I love dippin my Wendy's fries in a chocolate frosty. Yummy!

7. Not sure if this is odd but, I absolutely love love. (which includes but is not limited to watching husbands/wives, guys and dolls hug, cuddle and smooch....tastefully of course.) Love the romance movies too).

8. I would love to be a TOP model and Broadway actress....

9. I used to be really clean and neat. Now I'm sooooo not...but, I have no problem helping others clean.

10. I am afraid of the dark (I'm not nearly as bad as I used to be).

11. I have three re-occurring dreams: Being chased by dogs, bitten by cats and being caught in tidal waves/tsunami's. I want them all to go away..

12. Even though I have tons of friends and acquaintances, I often times feel lonely.

13. I get super boosts of confidence when I wear heals. I mentioned this in an earlier blog Walking Tall (Why don't i just wear heels everyday then? duh!).

14. I wish I weren't so afraid to take risks when it comes to changing my career/job.

15. I can eat Thai and Indian food probably everyday.

16. I don't know how to sit still. I always have to be doing something.. When I am still its a very odd feeling. Sometimes I feel guilty.

17. My immune systems has been really out of wack lately. As a result, there have been some weird things going on with mt body (I don't know why this came to me nor why I actually wrote it).

18. I can crack and pop my ankles. It sounds crazy to those who hear it.

19. I love buying gifts for my friends even when its not a birthday, graduation etc... I love buying gifts for me too. This gets me into trouble. :)

20. I'm becoming somewhat lactose intolerant (is this TMI? probably)

So much more about this complex lady but we'll end it at 20 :)

One in the Same....

2008-04-22T20:15:00.003-05:00

her abuser is pretty harsh.
she continues to take the criticism; the disses......

the negative comments are thrown at her daily (several times a day).
they take a toll on her and she is exhausted by them.

whenever she thinks she has enough courage to put an end to it, she doesn't because she knows no other way. its what she's used to.

everyday, she experiences someone who has no patience with her.
who is very unforgiving, who extends very little grace when she makes a mistake.
she is oppressed by her abuser and as a result, she is extremely insecure.

although she knows deep down inside she's beautiful and deserves much more, day after day, and week after week she continues to believe her abusers lies, she tolerates her abusers ways.

i encourage you to stand strong my sister. with God's help you can defeat your abuser. don't give up when the going gets rough, rather, get up each day, realize your worth, look in the mirror and face that abuser who is none other than you...

please pray for this woman as she begins her healing process. she is your sister, she is your friend, she is me.

High......Low

2008-04-01T05:45:00.005-05:00

HIGH:
I was super productive at work yesterday. While I wasn't able to accomplish everything on my to do list, i don't think I ever will :) I rocked and was very proud that I was able to minimize my distractions which is a real challenge for me.

LOW:
At the gym yesterday morning I was on the elliptical. There are 15 and only two of us were using them. Why did a lady come and get on the machine right next to me? For some reason I was sooooo annoyed. Thankfully she had on her headphones because I think the sigh that I let out was pretty loud.....and of course being the naturally competitive person that I am I made sure I went faster than her and that our motions were not in sync with each other. I realized that I was being childish but again why did she have to get on the machine near me... :)

Have a great day peeps! (It's Tuesday, which is one day closer to Wednesday which is two days closer to Friday which is one day closer to Saturday (woo hoo!!!!)

Flip Flop

2008-03-13T22:27:00.003-05:00

while i was riding the train today, i thought back to my dad saying that he was proud of me before we hung the phone up the other day. it made me smile. i then thought about my mom and how she always says she loves me when we hang up, and how much more it would make a difference to me if my dad consistently told me he loved me and my mom told me she was proud of me.

it's weird cause while i know mom loves me, i don't always think that she's proud of me (just typing this is making me tear up about it) and while i know my dad is proud of me, i'm not always certain of his love. unfortunately, i think some of my issues are tied up into me wanting to know those things from both of them. deep sigh.

anyway, as i learn to consistently love me and be proud of myself, perhaps wanting it from them won't be such a strong desire.....not sure......maybe it will always be.

I'm Your Pusher.....

2008-02-24T20:21:00.003-05:00

When I was sick a few weeks ago, the doctor in urgent care told me that I need to make an appt with my primary care physician because she noticed my blood pressure had been high the last few times I'd come in. I made the appt, went in, and again my pressure was up. Not sky high but it was up enough for him to be a bit concerned.

This made him look at my blood pressure since 2006 and low and behold I had been consistently on the higher side. This was my 1st time meeting with him (previous appts had been with an intern under his teaching and prior to that I had another doc who left.) Nevertheless, he said had he been monitoring my pressure he would have had me on medication already.

To that, I was a bit astonished and I told him that since this was my 1st time hearing of this that taking meds was not an option for me. I mean, I've heard other doctors assistants make comments about me being nervous but no one was ever concerned, not my ob gyn, not my endocrinologist, not my primary care doc, no one... (they are all in the same practice so all my bizness is in one database)....

I realize that my health is my priority so I'm not really blaming them. Especially since that office sees hundreds of people per day. I dunno, maybe there needs to be an alert in the system or something that would force someone to look at things like blood pressure, cholesterol, prescriptions etc.?

Anyway, the thing that really made me think to myself that I really needed to step up my game and really take responsibility for my own health was his comment about it all. He said that because so many Americans have high blood pressure and take one pill a day it was no big deal. It was ironic because he said this after he told me the health risks of having high blood pressure.

Why push the pills before encouraging to do other things that I know I need to be doing anyway, like eating right and exercising... I dunno. Who am I "mad" at more? Me or my pusher? Probably a bit of both.

Anyway, he gave me three months to work on getting my weight down and then we will make decisions then about what to do next..... deep sigh...

On a positive note, he let me know that my cholesterol was excellent.....

Excess

2008-02-14T22:29:00.003-05:00

tonight i was hanging up a few of the coats that i wore this week in my hall closet. as i packed them in i counted 15 coats and jackets and thought to myself, how the heck can i ever say i need another coat? (and i've told myself within the past month or so that i still need a green coat, a red coat, and an off white coat) 4 WHAT!?!

i then thought about how i also have A LOT of shoes and boots yet i still need more, like that pair of flat black boots, the brown boots with a heal, the brown pumps, the sneakers for indoor workouts, the sneakers for fashion purposes only, and a cleaner, newer pair of the black merrills that i currently have.

this made me think about all the clothes i have and the many times i stand in the middle of the room saying that I have nothing to wear.

i have this and soo much more yet, i need more.... i'm greedy. i'm not alone, but i have to admit that i am. i'm always wanting more. more purses (i have so many, I am running out of storage space and, I had the nerve to buy one today.) more things for the house, more exercise tapes and gear, more electronics, more more more.......

the simple task of hanging these coats up made me think about all this excess.

i don't know what to say.

Walking Tall

2008-01-30T09:14:00.000-05:00

I love flats
I wear them everyday
with suits
with skirts
with slacks
you name it........
One, because they are just so darn comfy and two because I already stand five feet 10 and a half inches tall.

Last week however, I decided to wear heels everyday. Same outfits, just with heels. Funny enough, this has caused my confidence levels to rise and I love it so much so that I've decided to wear them everyday this week.

It's amazing what heels can do. I even had someone honk at me today (any other day I may get an attitude about that but today, I was like yeah brother honk on, I know I'm cute!)

Now don't get me wrong, I still love my flats and I will be incorporating them back into my rotation, but now I will no longer be insecure about wearing my heels. I actually like towering over people. It's funny sometimes, especially when I'm around someone who is already short and they are wearing flats.

Anyway, just thought I would share my experience with you. I'm off to go walking around the office so people can admire me (LOL!)

peace

Archive Meme

2008-01-22T15:38:00.000-05:00

I saw this Archive Meme on Xandra's blog at Heart of Service

Here are the rules:

Go back through your archives and post the links to your five favorite blog posts that you’ve written. But there is a catch:

Link 1 must be about family.
Skeletons on our Closet

Link 2 must be about friends.
The Fabulous Five

Link 3 must be about yourself.
A Year in Review

Link 4 must be about something you love.
My Favorite Things

Link 5 can be anything you choose.
What's Next

Post your five links and then tag five other people. At least TWO of the people you tag must be newer acquaintances so that you get to know each other better. Readers - don’t forget to read the archive posts and leave comments!

I tag Michelle... I don't have anyone else to tag :(

I Ain't Got no Ipod, but I do have MP3 on My Cell Phone that Works Just Fine :)

2008-01-17T12:22:00.000-05:00

The rules: you select shuffle on your iPod or iTunes and plug in the songs as the answers to the questions. No cheating!

Feel free to steal this for your blog. I stole this from Dawn
_______________________________________________________
If someone says, “Is this okay?” what do you say?
If its Magic (Stevie Wonder) LOL!

How would you describe yourself?
How is it Between us (Sara Groves) deep and sadly appropriate. This is a song that she wrote to God about how she has been going thru her days sometimes forgetting God...

What do you like in a guy or girl?
I go Sailing (Stevie Wonder) ???

How do you feel today?
Lesson Learned (Alicia Keys) I ain't learn nuffin today!

What is your life’s purpose?
Enchantment (Corrine Bailey Rae) Dang!

What is your motto?
Shine (Luther Vandross) Aint that the truth!

What do your friends think about you?
Ask Yourself (Raheem Davaughn) LOL!

What do your parents think of you?
Party Life (Jay- Z) funny and soo not true (cough cough)

What do you think about very often?
Ridiculous (Musiq Soul Child) So I have crazy thoughts most of the time and?

What is 2 + 2?
Oh Lord your Love (Joanne Rosario)

What do you think of your ex?
Mystic Voyage (Roy Ayers) Cute....I guess in many ways he is on a voyage... away from me :)

What do you think of the person you like?
Go Ahead (Alicia Keys) I don't know what to take of this. that maybe I give him permission to do whatever he wants. Not!

What is your life story?
The Thing about Love (Alicia Keys) I do love love

What do you want to be when you grow up?
Footsteps (Julie Crochetiere) I don't want to be any one's footsteps anymore! Holla

What do you think when you see the person you like?
Looking for You (Kirk Franklin) ahhhhh, I'm crying

What will they play at your funeral?
Butterfly (Corrine Bailey Rae) how appropriate, I love butterfly's and equate myself to them all the time

What is your hobby/interest?
My Lova (Dwele) LOL! holla

What is your biggest fear?
Superstar (Lauren Hill) wow! I am afraid of success in many ways deep

What is your biggest secret?
Superwoman (Alicia Keys) how appropriate, its that I am a superwoman

What do you think of your friends?
Livin in a New World (The Roots) They are in a new world... or another world should I say :)

20 Tips for Good Blogging

2008-01-15T21:35:00.001-05:00

I read this great article about blogging that I thought I would share with you all. The 1st three are below.

1. Starting a blog is easy. There are many free blog services. Blogger.com is very user-friendly and will lead you through a pain-free set-up process. If you want to keep a specific domain (without “blogger” in the URL), you’ll need to set up your own domain and import it into another blog service, such as wordpress.com.

2. Decide what you want your blog to be. Who are your target readers? It’s important to decide from the beginning whether you’re blogging for professional or personal reasons. If you want to blog strictly as a diary or a way to get the creative juices flowing, password protect it. Think hard about who your potential readers are and what sort of image you want to portray. Announce your full vision for your blog in your first post.

3. Post one time a week at the absolute minimum. This is important, because once you develop a regular readership, you don’t want to lose it. Every day is ideal, although there’s a high burnout rate for bloggers who post this frequently. Aiming for three to five posts per week is a good goal.

Get the entire article here.
Here's to great blogging......

Sandi

90 Years and Still Kicking

2008-01-08T09:01:00.000-05:00

I'd like to give a big birthday shout out to my Grannie who we grandchildren affectionately call Mama. She turned 90 on Sunday and is a beautiful as a the sun rising over the river. As I listen to people's response when I tell them she is 90, they are sooo ecstatic and I'm like "yeah she's 90 ok.." As I think about my response to that, I guess I sort of take my grandmother and her being here for granted to an extent. I mean, I do call her often and check in on her but now that she hit this milestone, I think I will learn to appreciate her more. After all, I am her # 1 :)

A Year in Review

2008-01-01T16:05:00.000-05:00

Wow! Where has the time gone? I swear time fly's by so fast sometimes. I remember this time last year as if it were yesterday. Really. It's rather scary if you ask me.

Nevertheless, 2007 is gone and I will be honest to say that it has not been the best of years for me. I mean if I put things in perspective, like the fact that I have good health, a job that pays the bills and great friends then yes, I should be content. I am greatful for these things don't get me wrong, but there are some other realities and that exist and that is that.......

This was also a year where, once again I experienced great heartache and pain.

This was also a year where some bouts with depression lingered on longer than usual.

This was also a year where I have been challenged in my faith and in what I believe.

This was also a year where I have doubted not God's ability to do certain things in my life but His willingness.

This year was also a year (and this is not a bad thing I reckon) where I was challenged to stop running from many of my issues, and there are many believe you me. (there are still some I run from but hey, its a process right?)

So, all that said, I hope things look up for me in 2008. There are business ideas that I would like to do something with. Yet again, I am going to try to lose weight and get my house organized and I look forward to stepping out and conquering some of the many fears that hold me down.

Please pray for me in this new year and I will certainly do the same.

Blessings to you in 08
Sandi

Sunset

2007-11-28T10:39:00.000-05:00

Sean Taylor who plays for the Washington Red Skins passed away this week due to a gun shot wound in the groin. This morning on the Today Show they were highlighting him and his accomplishments while playing soft contemplative music in the background. I am sad that another young Black male fell victim to a senseless crime, there is no doubt about that.

But it also made me think about all the other young men, women, and especially children who die every other day in our communities who many times get no recognition beyond "there was another homicide last night on 12th Street in Southeast Washington DC, the victim was only 16 years old."

It made me think in particular about the public school systems in DC and how we are failing our children. It made me think about how so many of them don't have the support system at home to pound the value of education into their young and impressionable minds. We don't recognize them beyond "students have not met the standards on their standardized tests"

While, people may not think there is any good to report on these children who are loosing their lives either physically or thru lack of education, these are precious lives that are being talked and written about as side notes.

When will we talk about and highlight these peoples lives on the Today Show with the soft contemplative music in the back ground? When will we have a vigil to mourn for them?

.....As Cake is to Sandy

2007-11-05T15:22:00.000-05:00

I have a very unhealthy obsession with cake. (twinkies are my favorite)

When I try to explain the seriousness of my addiction to people I typically say "Crack is to Crackheads as Cake is to Sandy." I can eat cake until I'm sick. I can eat it everyday. I can eat it for breakfast. I can eat the batter..... I LOVE CAKE. So when I went to the grocery store yesterday and the Suzy Q's were calling my name, I mean calling it loud, you can understand my struggle.

I was looking for buns for my veggie hot dogs (which I can eat practically every day as well) and I turned around cause I heard my name. I said Twinkie is that you? The voice said "no its Suzy Q, why don't you come over here, put me in your cart, take me home and love me." Because I have 5 pounds to lose this month, I stood there for a minute contemplating. That soon turned into me thinking why the heck not! It won't hurt me to do it this one time, besides it's the start of the month, I'll have many days to try and work this off.

I walked away to get my eggs sooooo excited that I was going to get a "hit" only to remember once again the promise I made to myself (to lay low on the cake until my birthday in December) After much of a struggle I threw the Suzy Q back on the shelf , walked away as quick as I could and replaced it with some 100 calorie pack sweets with A LOT less fat and calories.

I was so proud of myself! I saved myself from the misery of beating up on myself for eating something that will not help me lose weight. Woo hoo!!!

Say Cheese

2007-10-09T13:06:00.000-05:00

I was watching Desperate Housewives the other day (something I don't normally do) and at the end they said something that caught my attention.

"Nothing is more deceptive than a smile and no one knows better that the people behind them"

I have several of those deceptive smiles:

There's my I feel fine smile
my everything is OK smile
my i don't need any help, I have everything I need smile
my sure, I can help, no problem smile

and my famous one............

my I don't know what else to do but smile smile

Now there are times when these smiles are genuine, don't get me wrong. It's just that with the way life is for me right now, my fake me out smiles are getting increasingly harder to put on thus the reason this statement caught my attention.

Anywho! Hope all is well with you all in blogger land!

Peace

YIKES!!!

2007-09-14T14:52:00.000-05:00

What's the likely hood that you will see two sanitation workers on two separate days driving a garbage truck while talking on a cell phone? Backing that blicky up no less! It's already scary when folk are in cars talking, but this big monster?

Have a great weekend! :)

From the Mouth's of Babes

2007-08-29T12:30:00.000-05:00

Can I just tell you that my 4 year old Godson is a trip. The things that come out of him mouth, often times amaze me and others who are around to hear it. He once saw a hymn book at my house and said, "oooooooo, that book is from our church, that's God's book! Now how could I explain to a then 3 year old that I didn't steal it but rather I purchased it... :)

But nothing has amazed me more than the prayer his mother said he prayed (with absolutely NO prompting) over his then ill grandfather last weekend. She went on to say how out of no where he was like lets hold hands and he began to pray. This is a 4 year old mind you. She said that he went on to pray for Gods grace and for His mercy. She said that he repeated the words "Lord have mercy upon him, put him in your Mercy Seat." Not only was she crying after he prayed about 4 times, but her mother was crying. They went on to ask him what a Mercy Seat was and he responded by saying it was in front of the church.

Now if the Holy Spirit wasn't praying thru this boy I dunno who was. Her father, since that time has gone on to be with the Lord and while it's hard to say goodbye to our loved ones,I guess in many ways his prayers actually came to fruition?

~ Rest in Peace Albert Jones (August 28, 2007)
"And when Moses was gone into the tabernacle of the congregation to speak with Him, then he heard the voice of one speaking unto him from off The Mercy Seat that was upon The Ark of testimony, from between the two cherubims: and He spake unto him." (Numbers 7:89 KJV)

If it Ain't One Thing

2007-08-08T14:49:00.000-05:00

My neighbor (and friend) has been on travel for a few months now going back and forth to Charlotte NC. Because of the wear and tear traveling does to ones body, he decided to telecommute the past couple of weeks. He mentioned saving the company money but now he has to worry about a high air conditioning bill. (shout out to those who are braving the heat with no central air)

Nevertheless, he contemplated going to his local office, but then he has to worry about the traffic and gas going back and forth.

That made me think about how my "going green" has its own effects. (I'm only a light shade of mint green right now.) While I no longer use paper products to help preserve the environment, I'm creating more dishes, which means using more water. Hello, we are in a drought... Sheesh!

So what's a sista and brotha to do? It seems like when you give up one thing another is effected. I suspect we simply need to weigh the costs and do what's best for the time.

If it ain't one thing, it's another.... :)

Potpourri

2007-07-31T09:18:00.000-05:00

1. I got paid today, paid my bills and guess what? I had more bills than i have money - I cried.... yall be sure to pray for me....

2. My metro bus/metro rail pass dropped out of my pocket on the way to the bus stop this morning so I called metro to cancel it only to find out that within 1/2 hour someone found it and used it. Whatever! They are sending me another one today for the low cost of $5 which will be deducted from the total I had left on the card - rip off I tell ya.... but I reckon, I should have been more careful.

3. During the summer months high school students stand outside of the train station and sell the Washington Times (I get the impression that their sales are not that great because they are selling them for the low low price of $.10....at the stop near my job the young guy shouts out: "Washington Times only 10 cent" I crack up to myself everyday not only because he sounds hilarious (I wish I could tape him) but because he says 10 cent - funny....I guess I should tell him to put an s at the end of cent huh?

4. I think I must be prone to cuts and bruises, currently (as of right now that is) I have 4 bruises, 2 cuts and one burn on my body -this is insane, and down right wrong.... how can one person be this clumsy. I'm the walking wounded. perhaps I will be bestowed the honor of the purple heart for all my battle scars. or maybe the klutz of the week award... LOL!

5. I have an active social life, I admit it. and sometimes I make myself tired when I think about the things I've been invited to and the things that I'm planning. Within the next two weeks, I have one baby shower, (which sadly enough I am going to have to skip cause it's at an expensive restaurant, and I have to get a gift? geesh!)one birthday party (which I'm planning), two church fellowships (of which I'll bring the music cause I can't afford to feed folks, oh yes and I'm on the planning committee for both) and one wedding (that I have been asked to fill in as the maid of honor). I'm tired just writing about it - Calgon take me away...Thankfully, I'm going on vacation after all of this to see my granny. I welcome the break and can't wait to hit the beach! woo hoo!

That's it for now. Be sure to laugh and cry with me :)

Correct Me if I'm Wrong

2007-07-27T14:10:00.000-05:00

Correct me if I'm wrong but......I am under the impression that if I were to offend someone and they let me know that I did, regardless if I feel like I did anything wrong, it's appropriate for me to apologize to them.

Is that wrong? and is it wrong for me to expect the same in return?

Recently, I told a couple of co-workers that I was offended by an email that they sent (and typically I don't say anything, I just sit, pout, and perhaps hate you secretly.. ok, hate is such a strong word but for me to say anything is a victory for me) When I confronted them, I did start by saying that I wasn't sure if they intended to offend me but that I did take what they said negatively. (email tone is sooooo hard to read)

All I got was a blatant disregard for how I felt (oh don't feel that way, and it wasn't like that) They didn't say I'm sorry you felt that way or nothing and that made me more angry.

One of them apologized the next day but the other did not. She brought it up the other day when we were hashing out our differences over lunch and I let her know that it hurt me even more that she didn't apologize but rather shrugged off how I felt. She said " I didn't do anything wrong." I thought that was pretty wack.

Anyway, I reckon I need to let it go and I will continue extending the courtesy of an apology, If I've wronged someone inadvertently or not. So you don't have to correct me if you think I'm wrong I'll do what I feel is the right thing and not worry about anyone else..... right? right!

Anyway, have a great weekend!

Sandi-love :)

Please Do Not Stand in the Rear Door Well

2007-07-13T08:29:00.001-05:00

So here's how the scenario played out last night on the bus.

Man with headphones walks to back of the bus.

Man does not sit in a seat, rather he stands in rear door well.

Sensor goes off over and over again and you hear. Please do not stand in the rear door well!

People look around say nothing.

Young girl gets on bus, does not look for a seat but does what? Stands in the rear door well.

Sensor continues to go off over and over again and you hear Please do not stand in the rear door well!

People get slight attitudes cause it's annoying but say nothing.

FINALLY, man on back of the bust gets up (with authority might I add) gets in their faces and says HELLO! Can you please get a seat!?! There is a sensor here which is why you keep hearing Please do not stand in the rear door well!

Young girl gets attitude and finds seat.

Man with headphones looks at the man says something smart does not sit down but steps out of the door well (the steps going down to the back door)

Man from back of bus goes back to seat, sits down, and does not have further conversation about it with folk in the back of the bus but sits there confident that he has rescued all of us from the annoying automated voice that kept saying, please do not stand in the rear door well!

People were relieved.

Man with headphones gets off bus at next stop.

Young girl gets off the stop after, cuts her eyes at man in the back and gets off

but he shall not be moved. He says nothing (maybe in his head he did)

I snicker and get off at the next stop.

So the next time you are on the bus my friends

Please do not stand in the rear door well!

Have a great weekend!

Tryin 2B Cute

2007-07-02T10:41:00.000-05:00

So I was at church yesterday and I knew in my mind that I was lookin really cute!
I had on a new outfit that I was waiting to wear, and yesterday was so beautiful I thought it was the perfect day to rock it!

I happened to be sitting pretty close to the front of the church and during offering time there was a sister on my row (who shall remain nameless) who took sooo long to get her offering together that the deacons had already passed by. I was sitting on the end of the pew so since I thought I was looking as cute as I was, I decided to get up and walk to the back to drop her offering in the basket. PRIDE COMETH B4 THE FALL....... :)

When I got back to my seat my gurl Dawnn was like "I tried to catch you but it was too late. Your zipper is broken" I reached my hand towards the back only to find a gaping hole. I didn't know what do, so to keep from crying from utter embarrassment, I decided to laugh it off. (This is what I get) :)

After my embarrassment, cause Lord only knows how many people saw my new pink undies I sat there in church trying not to move until service was over and nearly everyone was out of the sanctuary. A friend of mine, Abbie, who happened to be sitting in the back and saw the whole thing, felt my pain and came to console me. This led to a few others telling their similar embarrassing moments to make me feel better. That was nice.

Anyway, thankfully my shirt was pretty long, so I took off my belt, hiked my skirt up and went to the bathroom with my friend Ana who was kind enough to fix the zipper.

How's that for an embarrassing moment?! :)Thankfully, I had such a super fantastic weekend that I can laugh this one off....

Have a good week!

ps: check out my babies miming and steppin on You Tube
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g1ngZvYcqok (mime)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FWw2MeURPYo (step)

Breaking Point

2007-06-27T10:40:00.000-05:00

I don't know how much more I can take. I am so absoutly tired of the way that I am treated by people that it's making me sick! (literally) This only leads me to being angry with myself for allowing people to treat me in ways that I don't like nor appreciate.

Some of my co-workers and friends feel like they can say whatever the heck they want and do what the heck they want and get away with it. And they do. All of this, for me to harbor anger and resentment towards them when all I have to do is set boundaries. How can I expect people not to cross them if they don't know what they are?

I'm at a crossroads, a breaking point and I pray that I find the wisdom and the courage to stand up for myself. After all Jesus stood up for Himself. When he did, he was honest, he was consistent and he taught people something. How dare I deny someone a learning experience? :)

Anyway, I just had to get this off my chest. How I am feeling is nothing new it's just that I am reaching a point where I can't take it anymore and instead of retreating and saying/doing nothing I want to take a stand. Just for my own sanity....

Closer

2007-04-18T10:15:00.000-05:00

I've got some weird family dynamics going on (as we all do), but it's funny, as close as I feel to my family, I soon came to realize that we ain't really that close. I came to this conclusion after my life-coach (ok, my therapist. who am I fooling?) asked me a bunch of questions about my family that I couldn't answer.

These questions have led me on a quest to find out about the personality traits and characteristics of my ancestors as well as learn more about those who are still alive. I think knowing this information will help me to understand me better. I don't want to place any blame for any of my issues (ok, maybe) but it would be nice to know the people who make up this dynamic called family.

I had some great dialogue with my mama last night where I asked her some very personal questions about some of her life's experiences and she was open. I felt a little uncomfortable asking her initially but it was all good.. Surprisingly, but not really, she attributed her overcoming a great deal of mess to God and angels watching over her. That was nice to hear. She said that "God watches over his children and fools" I thought that was funny....

Today, as part of the homework I was supposed to do (for my session tonight) I am going to have a conversation with my brother about his perspective on growing up in our house, as it relates to discipline, dealing with emotions and other things.... It was a bit weird approaching him as well because we've never talked about stuff like this. Even if these conversations with family members bring up some stuff that may be difficult to deal with I do hope in the end it will bring us all a little closer.

The Monday after Easter. . .

2007-04-09T13:33:00.000-05:00

i had a awesome weekend...........
we had our Maundy Thursday service which we do yearly with a neighboring church which was wonderful of course. we had communion and did a cermonial foot washing.

we had our Good Friday service with some dynamic preachers bringing the word (I didn't go this year however. I was pooped and we are typically there allllllllllllllllll night).

we had a dynamic Resurrection Sunday service, with our mimes and liturgical dancers ministering and our pastor brought the word from Mark 16:1-7

i had great fellowship and dinner with friends where we laughed alllll night till our stomachs and cheeks hurt, talking about movies, books, politics, personal stories and the like.

but then someone said it. Easter Monday... i don't know why that phrase or term irks me soooo much but it does.. in my mind, i'm like why Easter Monday? What is so significant about Monday and why does it have to have a name and why is it a holiday. its simply the Monday after Easter. :)

I looked it up b/c supposedly its celebrated as a holiday in some parts of the country (see the link above). . . i guess, i can learn to accept it . . . . I dunno. . .

anyway, I hope you all had an equally exciting holiday. . . !!!!!

Unconditional

2007-03-27T13:49:00.000-05:00

God, help me to receive, accept and walk in your unconditional love.

If your love were contingent upon what I do or don't do, what I did or didn't do, wouldn't that mean that Jesus work on the cross is/was not sufficient?

Wouldn't it mean that the blood You shed for me on Calvary's cross was not enough to forgive me of the sins I committed yesterday, today or in the future for that matter?

Wouldn't that mean that your death was in vain?

Forgive me for doubting Your love.

Forgive me for questioning Your love.

Forgive me for thinking that Your love is for everyone else but me.

God, help me to receive, accept and walk in your unconditional love.

Really Random. . .

2007-03-20T12:29:00.000-05:00

Have you noticed lately that there is a drug for EVERYTHING! My goodness, I was off of work the other day and the commercials that advertised any and all sorts of drugs dominated the airwaves.

I mean come on, I've had Restless Leg Syndrome (RLS) for as long as I can remember and now they have Requip to help aid in the distress. You name it they have a drug for it:

allergies - Nexium
depression/anxiety - Cymbalta
herpes - Valtrex
migraines - Imitrex
erectile disfunction - Viagra/Cilaiss
insomnia - Lunesta/Ambien CR
adhd - Strattera
arthritis - Boniva
asthma - Cingulair
shorter periods - Loestra24
hpv vaccine - Gardasil
blatter control -Ditropan
irritable bowels -Zelnorm

Ok, so perhaps I watch to much TV. Maybe they will come up with a drug for that.... hummm. . .

Pressing My Way. . .

2007-02-21T10:54:00.000-05:00

I am going to go our Ash Wednesday service tonight.. My church observes the Lent season. We have services on Ash Wed, Maundy Thursday and Good Friday. We also have prayer daily at our church at 6am and 6pm (it's nice especially in the morning). It's a time of renewal and reflection and I like it (although for the past couple of years I haven't given up anything)

Anyway, I've been in a bit of a funk lately but I am going to press my way… These next 40 days is a good opportunity/excuse for me to do so….. I don't want this season of lent to pass with me not at the very least trying to press on.. I guess in many ways I owe it to Christ. I mean, of course I don’t "owe owe” him, because what can I possibly give that would measure up to what he did for me on the cross? Nothing. . . ..(But of course there is living a holy and righteous life. He likes that) :)

Nevertheless, I shall press on…Not to say that I won't feel sad or bad or lonely or depressed or anxious during these times but it’s a matter of me not staying there, wallowing in it, having a pity party there. I need to stop feeling like I have to feel this way (says my friend Dawnn) but I also have to "allow myself to feel".

Anyway, all things considered I am doing ok so don't worry about me just pray. :)

Clean Teeth. . . . Check!

2007-02-20T11:16:00.000-05:00

I am excited today because I went to the dentist for my six month teeth cleaning and I don't have any cavities! Woo hoo! I was worried for a minute because I've been eating sweets like crazy! Take a look at those pearly whites.....

This is me smiling with my lil cousin Brandon. I had the opportunity to see him while I was home this weekend.. He is sooooooooooooooooooooo cute...... (That dirty diaper I had to change wasn't that cute however) :)

Comments on my Day!

2007-01-24T16:34:00.000-05:00

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!

Baby Steps

2007-01-22T10:03:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I am sooo BIG picture that I forget that I have to take baby steps to achieve my goals. Last week on Oprah this woman said that the 1st thing that she did was cut out soda and how much of a difference that made to her. At the start of this year I too decided to make some small steps. I now walk up an additional flight of steps at work to take the elevator on the 1st floor (I would talk all the way up to the third floor but the locked door is keeping me from doing that.)

I also told myself that I could not take the elevator from the basement unless I am injured. I am sure this will make a difference.

The next step is ensuring that I am drinking at minimum 64 oz of water a day. I will do this starting TODAY!!!

I’m also going to be sure that exercise two days a week… I always start of aggressively saying I am going to do it 7 days a week. (ok how realistic is that?) NOT!

Anyway, this weight loss thing is indeed a journey and I pray that I can stick to something to help be achieve my goals. When I see folk who have lost 100 pounds+ I’m like dang and all I need to lose is like 40 pounds.

I can do it, I know I can I just have to keep reminding myself to take baby steps!

Woo hoo! I can do it! Go head! Alright!

Check out the Best Life Diet today on Oprah's website and be encouraged!
http://www2.oprah.com/health/bob/bestlife/bestlife_story.jhtml

Currently. . .

2007-01-17T10:03:00.000-05:00

I’ve been pondering about

My relationship/friendship and the direction its heading
Taking a class at Regent University

The thing that has been annoying me the most is

My need to please people, which often times keeps me from being honest with folk (all in the name of me protecting their feelings)

The people that have inspired me are

Will Smith and Oprah Winfrey because they always give 150% to whatever they do

I wish I weren’t

So afraid to take risks
Feeling so anxious
So negative

I’ve been procrastinating when it comes to

Writing my next speech for toastmasters
Certain projects at work
Making my health a priority
Planning activities for the Singles Ministry (of which I am the leader)

I am enjoying

The book the Five Love Languages for Singles
The new Andre Crouch CD

I have no zeal for

Ministry activities
Studying the Bible like I should
Praying (you know all the spiritual disciplines) SAD!
Work

I have

To much debt and not enough savings

Just thought I’d let you know in a snap shot what’s going on with me, what's on my mind etc..... Continue to pray for your friend Sandy! :)

. . . . Skeletons in Our Closet

2007-01-05T11:59:00.000-05:00

You know your ghetto when:

Your 1st cousin marries your 3rd cousin (who guess what?) ain't really our cousin because really her father was only raised by my aunt but is not really her blood son.

Your family continues to call your uncle's grandson Koolaid (which is the nickname of another uncle, who is said to really be the father of the mother of this kid)

You mothers uncle is really your mothers brother.

Your cousin who is said to be your uncles son looks white (Ole Unc was pretty fair skin but come on)

................Oh what a tangled web we weave. . . . .But I love my family. . .

The End is Near. . . .

2006-12-28T11:18:00.000-05:00

Can you believe it, 2006 is coming to an end in a matter of days where has the time gone?

It's kind of scary how fast time goes. . . I typically begin the new year all pumped up and excited about doing something different, spending more time with God and in prayer, loosing weight, saving more money, learning to say no, spending more time with family, learning to love and forgive, taking better care of my overall health, wanting to write more, organizing the home, being a better employee, not making the same relationship mistakes, wanting to be a better friend and daughter only to find myself still struggling to accomplish it all.

I suspect that all of this is a process and I have to remind myself that I cannot conquer it all, do it all and accomplish it all. Life is a process. I tend to think that with all these things that I will ARRIVE when in actuality I will always work toward a better me. Interesting.... I would much rather be perfect at those things now, (you know have the perfect bod, be the prefect friend etc.) that way I can spend the rest of my days becoming an accomplished actress or something. :)

Anyway, as I approach the new year I hope to be more patient with myself. I also vow not to enter this new year making a bunch unrealistic goals only to find myself blogging about not accomplishing them at the end of 2007.

Happy New Year!

Wait!!! What?

2006-12-18T13:49:00.000-05:00

I've heard the no

I've gotten the yes

But what the heck do I do when I'm praying about something that I REALLY want and God says WAIT????

I have to be totally honest I'm really struggling with that answer right now. I don't like it.

No and Yes are an answer, wait is torture cause it can go one way or another in the end.

AAAARRRRGGGGHHH!!!!

Who Do you say I AM?

2006-12-12T13:28:00.000-05:00

The other morning when I was in that awake but still asleep phase (or sleep but really awake phase) I was thinking to myself all of the questions I wanted to ask a friend of mine about his walk with God. Things like what does he believe about prayer and what does he believe about the Bible and while I was thinking of my next question the very question that Jesus asked His disciples in Mark 8:29 came to me:

"Who do you say I am?"

I was like yes, I will ask him what He believes about God, great question! But as the question kept looping in my head. I soon recognized that that question wasn't for him but rather I needed to answer it for myself.

Yeah, it's nice to ask other people where they stand spiritually but where do I stand? It reminds me of how personal our relationship with the Lord is. Here I am saying yadda this and yadda that and the Lord put me on blast. . . While it's still a great question, I don't think its one that I've thought about lately. . . let alone answered.

So, as I was journaling my thoughts I was like well, I guess there are a couple of ways to answer this question.

1. I can answer it based on what the Bible says

and

2. I can answer it based on how I act

Then I thought that they would indeed contradict themselves. For example the Bible says that nothing can separate me from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus while that is true my actions don't always coincide with that truth. I think that how I've been raised and my life's experiences sometimes get in the way of me fully believing that. Yet I must forget those things which are behind and press towards the truth. right. after all, God is not my 2nd grade teacher nor is he the friend who betrayed me.

Anyway while I am answering this question for myself I'll ask you who do you say He is?

Happy Birthday To Me!!!!!

2006-12-05T14:35:00.000-05:00

My Favorite Things. . . .Pt. 1

2006-11-16T16:06:00.000-05:00

Barely There seamless Underwear - I'm partial to the boy shorts but these undies are a God send foreal. They really work. The downside is that I always notice other peoples panty lines now :) Not to mention that they are a microfiber and cotton is always better but you can wear them on special days.

Well Off Eye Makeup Remover - This is great if you wear eye makeup daily or even occasionally. It's very gentle and doesn't sting your eyes like some do. They sell this at Origins which has many other products that I absolutly love!

Nature's Blessing Hair Oil - For those of us of us who have to use hair oil, this oil is the bomb! It's all natural and smells great! Some of the ingredients include Nettle,Rosemary,Sage,peppermint, Thyme, Alfalfa, Pure Virgin Olive Oil, Pure Coconut Oil and Sage Oil. You can also use it for dry skin and chapped lips. Try it. You might like it!

OPI Nail Polish - Pick a color any color! If you want to feel like a princess, a diva or an ordinary woman, you can try one of their many fabulous colors. I'm diggin on a few right now. " My Daddy's the King (which is true), Color of the Zen-Tury (which I am wearing now) and Chocolate Mouse. When I was broke this summer and wanted a manicure I spent my last dime and got an appropriate color called Down to my last Penny.

click on the product to be linked to the websites :) 2b continued. . . .

Show me the Money? You've got to be kidding me!

2006-11-15T13:37:00.000-05:00

Why do I always need to vent......

I was eating my dessert yesterday and I decided to turn on the tube for a moment only to come across the worst show of all times. I've never heard of it but it's a new show titled

SHOW ME THE MONEY! (click here to learn more)

Anyway, William Shatner is the host and it has got to be the absolute worst! It's a like Jeopardy meets shake what your mama gave you meets Who wants to be a Millionaire meets Solid Gold.

There are a number of women, of course in sexy dresses holding these scrolls that list a certain amount of money on them that the contestant can win if they answer these stupid questions right. Then, they have the nerve to do this super wack dance called the navy dance? I thought I've seen it all.....

Let's not even go there with Deal or no Deal even though its not as bad although they both objectify women.

That's it for today but I have some other things on my mind so perhaps you'll receive another post in the very near future....