Flip Flop
Thursday, March 13, 2008 Edit This 10 Comments »
while i was riding the train today, i thought back to my dad saying that he was proud of me before we hung the phone up the other day. it made me smile. i then thought about my mom and how she always says she loves me when we hang up, and how much more it would make a difference to me if my dad consistently told me he loved me and my mom told me she was proud of me.
it's weird cause while i know mom loves me, i don't always think that she's proud of me (just typing this is making me tear up about it) and while i know my dad is proud of me, i'm not always certain of his love. unfortunately, i think some of my issues are tied up into me wanting to know those things from both of them. deep sigh.
anyway, as i learn to consistently love me and be proud of myself, perhaps wanting it from them won't be such a strong desire.....not sure......maybe it will always be.
it's weird cause while i know mom loves me, i don't always think that she's proud of me (just typing this is making me tear up about it) and while i know my dad is proud of me, i'm not always certain of his love. unfortunately, i think some of my issues are tied up into me wanting to know those things from both of them. deep sigh.
anyway, as i learn to consistently love me and be proud of myself, perhaps wanting it from them won't be such a strong desire.....not sure......maybe it will always be.
10 What's on Your Write Mind?:
Sandy,
Oh, I felt this post, dear one. I could have easily teared up right where you did. So many times it seems I have fought through tears to type a blog post that was painful, or one that put me 'out there'. I wish I was there. I'm your sister, for sure. If I were there, we'd talk for hours over coffee or tea, we'd pray a little, shed a few tears, make each other laugh, then on my way back to Ohio, I'd hug you and say, "Sandy, I love you. And I'm proud of you, too."
Love,
Michele
you are too good to me... be my momma! :)you know there is an open door policy if you wanna come to dc...or perhaps we can meet half way? you know, it would be so nice if some of us could stop livin for our parents approval.... :(
Tell me about it! But there is like this empty space in us that always longs for our parents' approval. I didin't meet my birth father till I was in my 20s, and for the longest time (and this will sound silly), but for the longest time, I only wanted to hear him say he thought I was pretty. That's all. It's crazy sometimes what goes on inside of us, and I only hope I don't do our boys irrepairable (sp?) damage by being such a multi-layered woman!
Love you, girl...
Michele
P.S. Let's kidnap Faraja and have an all-girl's get away before she has that baby!:)
Hi girls, I decided to break my little blogging fast by coming to check out your blogs - so glad I stopped by :)
An all girls get-away sounds fabulous!!! :) I reckon I need it right now too - the whole thing that's making me take a bit of time out and do some internal "spring cleaning" is also a parent related issue *sigh*
Yep, even now, when to all appearances I'm 'at peace and happy' with my life there is a part of me that craves that approval (and genuine accepting love?) that I never got and feel like I'll never have...and this is from Christian parents no less. It hurts, some of the stuff from my childhood really hurts and the more it's coming to the surface and I have to deal with it the more I'm determinded to never do that to my kids. I always seem to go through these intense moments close to my babies births too - maybe there's a connection there...but yeah, it's been a bit rough emotionally in my life lately. So I can totally relate to what you're both saying here.
Love you my dear sisters - and you're always in my thoughts and prayers even when I'm not online :)
xxx
Faraja
you know you ladies are my original and first blogger sista friends...i'm so glad that i met you both, even though its only in cyber space... one day we will all meet. that is my hearts desire.... we may have to meet half way wherever that is... I'm so bad at geography... :) Happy Ressurection Sunday!
Sad Sondra D,
I feel like the blessing here is that you know what it is you want your mom and dad to say. I'm sure your dad DOES love you and your mom IS proud of you (maybe not ALL the time, ok, but still), and sometimes parents need help saying the right thing. How are they supposed to know if you don't tell them?
I don't think there's any shame in speaking up and telling your dad how happy you are to hear him say he's proud of you, but that you'd like to hear every once in awhile that he loves you, too.
If he can't do that, it will be disappointing, and it will hurt. But at least you will have tried. And you might be able to let go of that particular disappointment a little bit. And when you let go of that, you might make room in your heart to find a man who can't wait to tell you he loves you, AND that he's proud of you.
It's so important to say these things to each other in the time we have on this earth. You don't want to miss your opportunity to at least try to have these conversations with your parents.
If you ask for the things you need, you might get them. But if you don't ask, you'll never know.
Find your voice, my dear, and use it.
Kisses from Cali,
Lisa Pida
I know what you mean about this...I get neither - my father is dead and my mother and I don't have that type of relationship.
Sandy,
Ok, so I am a little late in commenting on this post, but.... I would encourage you to listen for the unspoken words of your parents. Perhaps your father assumes his love for you is a given, so instead he uses his words to go that "extra" mile in assuring you that he is also proud of you. Similarly, perhaps your mother's definition on love is so broad that it encompasses "pride and admiration" for you, so when she says she loves you, her heart also whispers "Sandy I am so very proud of you." Nevertheless is you need to hear these words from your parents, I would encourage you to ask them while you have the opportunity to do so. It would be a shame for you to always wonder about the extent of their emotions for you. Honestly my dad has never told me he loves me or that he is proud of me (and I’m really not losing any sleep over it but please don't be as indifferent as I am).
With much love and admiration,
Leathy
Hey Sandy!
I felt you on this one....I hear from others how much my dad loves me, but in my opinion he treats me like an unwanted step child face to face. And saying he loves me which only happens if I say it first, seems to be extremely difficult for him. I'm a grown woman who still cries about her daddy sometimes, but thank God for being my Heavenly Father! Every time I cry over my dad, God comforts me by telling me that I am his child and then I wipe away my tears and keep moving.
When I have children I plan to tell them daily that I love them and always tell them how blessed and proud I am to be there mother. As sure as I tell them that, I'll let them know that God loves them even more than I do.....
Lisa, Darius, Leathy and Keisha
i guess this was another lesson about me not being alone in how i feel. thanx for the encouraging words and for feeling me on this thang. i will attempt to talk to my mom about 1st just because I talk to her more... i'll keep you posted.... thx 4 stoppin by....
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